A mind filled with Emptiness..

After almost two years, I still am sitting here alone Blogging about this. How much I have began to realize as the fear of silence and loneliness begins to creep in on me. What have I gain this past year? Could it fill the loss that I've lost ? Can it replace the huge part of love that was gone from me? I suddenly feel I am no longer human.

Friends maybe something I have. They are those who show themselves when I am in darkness. Nevertheless, the boundaries are still visible even so marked with such thin lines. How am I suppose to support myself when I have a great sense of fear. When, I begin loosing everything I have once own, even my sanity.

Oh, how splendid the feeling would be when I could turn back the time and change EVERYTHING. For even that one second, I could have made a difference. How TIME messes with me ALL the time. Becoming nothing but a great Fear. Nothing but a rat race in life. NOTHING but trouble in REALITY.

xxFLASHBACKxx

What remains most clearly in my mind was the second when a dying mother looked upon his son and touched his face saying : " Please don't cry..I don't want to see you like this.. I know it is hard but please remember the cheerful part of me." and then falling into a Coma. With hope, the son was praying that she would get out from that coma..3 days later, she passed on. That broken down son was me.. How can I let something so precious to me slip away in front of my very eyes. Something that automatically ran flashbacks of memories in my head and stole all the LOVE away. How am I to pretend. I do not think I am strong enough to hold on anymore. I am going to collapse.

"My life has been filled with temporary colours, what matters is no longer here"

as for all my colours shall slowly fade into the dungeons of darkness

knowing nothing but FEAR and LONELINESS

-FreeStyler-