A Friend that Is truly unique

Here I am writing a post about a senior who has made an impact on me. Well this girl was a Facilitator as I entered the University but if I were to rule my judgement based on the first impression i would never had gotten myself so close to her. Well she was not like the others, she was rather original. Originality was one thing she has taught me that made me a stronger character I am today. She showed herself to a level that she did not really bother what others would say because she knew she was sincere. Yes, we fought but MOST of the time we came to our senses... Well we became closer after a MAJOR misunderstanding and our friendship was brought to a new level with the help of WAFFLES. Yes..Waffles were the meeting food she enjoyed... (Chocolate lebih... peanut butter pun lebih...) hahhaha well thats her... and this post is for her... THanks Zaiturr Mashud.. i will always remember you for being ORIGINAL :)

The Turning Point in LIFE..

Dear Readers,

This time , I might actually type something that makes a change in my life. Realizing things i never thought was that BIG. Well we grow up and meet new people that eventually become dear to us... BUT... during that transition we often forget our roots... Let's not touch on roots.. Let's touch about friends we make... Do you sometimes feel that the friends you make actually despite your company or even when you are there.. you actually intensify the tension they have? I felt that today... How much it hurts... well i shall not rant much but yes.. i feel down and i indeed shall STAY away.. Let's not spoil the fun that they are having... i shall seek new interest in life :(

a smile that keeps you thinking...

Sometimes when we fall the hardest we always hope that there would be a FRIEND there that would stand beside you to pick you up... that is just because we were once there or them when they fell..

BUT

in REALITY, no one actually cares for you. outs of 10 friends maybe, just maybe there are 3 people who actually give a damn. 

YET

We still lie to ourselves saying that it is okay for them to just stand and watch us fall...

WELL back to the main point.. many may see me in UNI just smiling but no one will ever know the pain that i have been to..

So, one day I decided to sit at the front of the Annexe to just watch people pass by and see how they react and it SUDDENLY struck me... ALL of them actually have something in common, but I still did not want to conclude my finding and took some time out of my busy schedule to chit-chat with some friends... 

GUESS WHAT I FOUND OUT...

 they actually face the same problem and they actually take the same solution...

they simply just SMILE...

Just like how I do it in UNI... I might smile at you but you will never see the inner pain that im going through... that is something that ONLY some will know...

QUOTE: "SMILE as often as possible IF only you want to see others SMILING back at you"

after all... IT is something that is FREE... :)

Sincerely, 

FreeStyler

Friday the 13th!

Well Friday the 13th was always related to something rather horrifying and devastating...

YET

for me this year, it takes a turn...

No, no.. don't get me wrong... it is not something worth screaming for rather it is for something worth tearing up for .

#STORY TIME

51 years ago, my mum was born and this post to actually a post to tell her i miss her..

Happy Birthday Mom!

No matter how much we used to bicker, Scream and fight, I will always feel sorry and love you no matter what...

2 years ago you decided to leave me but i told myself trying to be strong..I know i know it is hard but i must strive to be able to stand on my two feet...

I hope you will enjoy this very special day where ever you may be! <3 you mom :'(

Choices? GOOD or BAD?

(Let's have a SELF-REFLECTION moment... )

CHOICES??

Are they reluctant actions we are FORCED to take or are they DECISIONS that we are open to make?

Personally it is after all a decision we are open to make and we have to accept the consequences that we are bound to face..

YET..

Why do we still complain when we are faced with difficulties?

Why do we blame GOD or even others for the so-called "misfortune" that we face?

Why do we have to make it seem as though we REGRET the choices we made?

Well... I'm sure all of us has gone thru these questions without knowing it until you read those questions....

Quite the contrary to those who actually accept the consequences of the choices they made...Some may even seem to have a concept that it is FAITH...

In fact most of us believe that the choices we made only will happen POSITIVELY with the help of LUCK..

"What is LUCK?"

"Does LUCK exist?"

Well according to NLP learning facilitator Mr. Mohd Rizal Hassan famous for his "STOP BANGAU-ING!" has made us see a clearer picture that there is NO SUCH thing as LUCK...

so Think about it... whether it is GOOD or BAD it is choice that we have made, and nothing can change that. :)

Believe or Not to Believe?

BELIEVE might seem to be a simple word and often used when dealing with TRUST...

BUT

Do we actually mean it when we say it??

Sometimes saying and keeping it to heart always seems to be the best option YET the most common action would be SAYING and FORGETTING....

I actually hate the fact that a person be it a relative ,friend or even a newly met acquaintance lie to you with a STRAIGHT face.. It tends to get irritating at some point... BUT nevertheless we were taught (Well... I was taught) not to judge others.

#Please Help Me Rationalize This Situation

Well what would you do when you trust a friendship so much and cherish and respect the value of it so much that you are willing to sacrifice ALL that you have to make this friendship last.. and ...this so-called-friend does not even give a damn about it...

or

When you turn to your best friend who sworn to keeping secrets yet he/she blurted out your secrets to others

or

When you thought that your friend was always on your side and one day you found out that he/she was jealous of you all a long and was spreading rumours about you and defaming you and also tarnishing your reputation.

TO BE CONTINUED.........

Even the DEAD can teach you something..

Well nevertheless it has reached the time of the year when we have to pay respect to our ancestors...Oh yes... it is a time we call "Cheng Beng".

For starters, this years Cheng Beng was not much different than all the other years and I must personally say that this year's weather compared to ALL the other years were indeed rather erratic. However despite the climate change, people also in fact change BUT not for the better yet for the worst. To me, i personally take it to heart.(YES! I admit...I am a little sensitive)

Now back to the story....Yes I may understand that I am indeed of a different religion as you BUT lets not deny the fact that I AM STILL CHINESE!! (Problem??)

You can hate me all you want but my presence there and the fact that I am carrying out my duty and respects need not have your approval to begin with.

Questions were thrown across the grave as such:-

"Why not you let those who have MORE experience deal with this?"

(MORE experience? as in referring to MORE chinese? or Younger? or even MORE Buddhist?)

Anyone care to EXPLAIN?

"Err...can you actually hold the"Joss stick" ?"

(Eh! Hello?? Auntie? Mana lu hilang when I was holding it EVERY year for the past few years??)

#The fact that the weather was getting hotter by the minute...got my temperature boiling even to a higher degree!!

I mean what is wrong with you? Seriously? I have feelings too you know... even YES my cousin sister also shows me attitude (NOT in the best manner).. Just because you think you are smatter and get most praises form people does not GIVE you the right to step above me.. and please NO one is actually competing with you...

QUOTE: " When people are humble and respect you, that does not mean they are afraid of you, they just do not want to look down on you"

So yea! I actually do not care if you buy a new gadget.. for these things are just there momentary, because of Materialism you forget your principles of life.. we should based our FAMILY relationship on TRUST,UNDERSTANDING,RESPECT, and EQUALITY.... these are values we can NEVER buy...

#Lesson learnt : We may SEE others as being different than us, BUT stand in their shoes and you will SEE that they actually see us as being DIFFERENT compared to them.

No matter how much of critiques we may receive from our own family members, we may be hurt and what-so-ever BUT we can never deny that they are family NO MATTER what..Don't do onto others what they do onto us. ALL religion surely states do kind to others as kindness will come back in return.. :)

Sincerely

~FreeStyler~

April Fool? or I am the Fool

Being open to all culture and diversity may NOT always be the best solution.

"Look! It's already the 1st of April! April Fool!"

This used to be a day I look forward to the most...Yes! I must say I used to be childish :) People change and for the first time in 23 years, April's Fool made me the biggest fool ever..Something so dear yet hurts so deeply.. Why?What?How? well Here it goes....

#LESSON LEARNT (1) : NEVER gamble with ones LIFE...

"LIFE was NEVER a game that we can SIMPLY play with"...yes those were the exact words an old auntie at the temple told me a few days back yet a swept that advice aside..till last night when I was driving along Lebuhraya Damansara-Puchong, I saw with my own eyes, A proton persona gambling his/her life on the highway as the car was squeezing in between metal beasts on the left and right.. UNTIL suddenly a small Kancil appeared in the middle of no where..That was when the Persona rammed into the Kancil and smoke came gushing out.. You see many people think driving is easy and being FAST is the way to show off road skill. SEE the word ROAD SKILL... Reset the spacing and then u will see the REAL meaning... ROADS KILL... Seeing things in a different perspective made me think that in LIFE we must learn from time..

#LESSON LEARNT (2) : NEVER underestimate others...

There are people who seem to be sad/helpless/ or even seem to be such as a damsel in distress. Well this is a based on a true story that I think EVERYONE can relate to. If I see one person down/sad or need help... I will automatically help and even consider them dear to me (foolish I know, yet I still do it for this is HOW I am :) ) so there are a few people who i have been with for some time and this week seems to be "THE" week where these people really test my patience... How is it that people whom we help can become so selfish to the extend that they do not know that they make people sacrifice for them? Is it because we are too kind? or is it Just because we are adaptive to such pain that we become numb ourselves? As for me, sacrificing time with family and all just to help these type of people begin to make my efforts seem meaningless and i do not see the point in helping but yet at the corner of my consciousness i remember something that my senior once said to me "Look Forward and Set a goal but NEVER once forget where you started from" .. Never forget your roots and stay focus on work... this will make sure goals will be achieve.. After ALL I might be a FOOL now but I made me stand up to be a better man in the FUTURE :)

Sincerely,

~FreeStyler~

Some scar are meant to STAY

When a person does wrong for the first time we would forgive them i they ask for it. What if it was a continuous occurance? And what if the reasons used was "please forgive me for the LAST TIME" how many last time are there? What is LAST? Are you that dumb not to notice that you have been the one doing the wrongs and I am the one fixing your mess. What am I? Your maid? You come to us with a pathethic face which really got sympathy from everyone and NOT only that, you scrutinize my reputation until people think im the villain.. Please.. Im not as evil as your are. I think it ends everything.. Im done trying to ignore the pain u have caused and im also done wasting my time trying to save you, I tot u were worth it but actually you are not worth anything. Worst case scenario is that you still dont know where u went wrong, you're disgusting and filthy and rotten in EVERY WAY! I used to help u coz I thought u needed sincere help but it turns out ir just a hypocrite, a wolf on sheeps clothing! Go torture someone else for the scar yi have caused has bleeded to often and i will not be stupid again .

Lost for love

A story that began a few years back with ups and down.. Funny when the whole world colapse when the love of ur lifee leaves u. Im sorry if i had done anything wrong. Forgive me. i still love u... I still do. Love you with all my heart. what am i to do. Its the new year and im still not happy. No one to spent it with. Knowing that she is sick.. Im sorry, sorry i am nt there to take care of u :(

A day filled with excitement

Well I started my day by taking 2 separate buses to Uni and entered a meeting. An proud o myself though to live a day with NO car... Lol so after that i entered class and enjoyed a slight debate. Besides that waited to have dinner with college mates and we certainly had fun. Ahaha all the food oh dear!! After that michelle,susan and i decided to walk to Sunway Pyramid for a movie..大英雄，小男人:) later will be walking back to complete assignment... Its going to be a longggggg night!!

Its that time of the year again:)

Christmas this year to me is a little depressing but that doesnt stop me from pushing myself into a pool of joy and happiness...This year i might take thing up a notch. Will try my best though... Erm well not that high a notch. hehe i hope tht these few pic of my own photography would help put you in the mood of enjoyment and hope that u will enjoy ur christmas mood ;) merry blessed christmas and a happyyyyy new year:)

30-Hour Famine

8th and 9th July 2011 marks the special occasion..

30-Hour Famine was one of UNIRAZAK Chinese Students Association (UCSA) event which lasted for 2 days and 1 night. Campers and committee were required to eat before they started the Famine. Participants were asked to fast from

10.00 am (8/7/2011) to 4 pm (9/7/2011)

[a total of 30 HOURS]

throughout the whole process, enjoyment was at its best...

Mother's Day :)

Mother's day. A day where everybody celebrates the happiness that they themselves share with their beloved mother. Every mother is a saint to their children in their own way. It is just how we acknowledge this. Sometimes for this occasion, some people tend to go to the extreme and yet their mothers are unhappy.What actually makes mothers happy is that they tend to want the simplest things in life (this is what I have learnt through time ). Every mother just wants a F-A-M-I-L-Y... (Father And Mother , I Love You) that is all actually.

Well for me this year and last year would be the hardest. Although trying to embrace this "feeling" is said to be easy, am I that weak to change? or an impact of a lost mother was a tremendous change in my life? I seriously do not know where to start. It is like i am able to help change people but yet I can't change myself. The pain of it has really lost my confidence in life. Yet I must show a stronger exterior for i must not make people weaker than me collapse with me.

A question that I tend to ask when I see ill- mannered children towards their parents. Why won't they learn? Is it because that they must have a certain loss then only they will reflect and understand? Well let it be and to all mother's out there "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY" ..

Are you Game for it?

Personally, I thought that it has a meaning to being friends. After knowing you, my life has changed tremendously( in the worst of ways). I do not know what else is there about you that does not seem to make friends work. I have made up my mind that you should be best left in your own world.

Tell me, what really makes you hate me so much? In your own manner you despite me and talk about me based on your insecurity. Have I no dignity? Have I no pride? What you did was just hurtful and plain revengeful. I do not know how i should move on with a friend like you.

You decide.. should be friends that care or that doesn't care.

A mind filled with Emptiness..

After almost two years, I still am sitting here alone Blogging about this. How much I have began to realize as the fear of silence and loneliness begins to creep in on me. What have I gain this past year? Could it fill the loss that I've lost ? Can it replace the huge part of love that was gone from me? I suddenly feel I am no longer human.

Friends maybe something I have. They are those who show themselves when I am in darkness. Nevertheless, the boundaries are still visible even so marked with such thin lines. How am I suppose to support myself when I have a great sense of fear. When, I begin loosing everything I have once own, even my sanity.

Oh, how splendid the feeling would be when I could turn back the time and change EVERYTHING. For even that one second, I could have made a difference. How TIME messes with me ALL the time. Becoming nothing but a great Fear. Nothing but a rat race in life. NOTHING but trouble in REALITY.

xxFLASHBACKxx

What remains most clearly in my mind was the second when a dying mother looked upon his son and touched his face saying : " Please don't cry..I don't want to see you like this.. I know it is hard but please remember the cheerful part of me." and then falling into a Coma. With hope, the son was praying that she would get out from that coma..3 days later, she passed on. That broken down son was me.. How can I let something so precious to me slip away in front of my very eyes. Something that automatically ran flashbacks of memories in my head and stole all the LOVE away. How am I to pretend. I do not think I am strong enough to hold on anymore. I am going to collapse.

"My life has been filled with temporary colours, what matters is no longer here"

as for all my colours shall slowly fade into the dungeons of darkness

knowing nothing but FEAR and LONELINESS

-FreeStyler-

What is up with you?

Somehow i feel dumbfounded nowadays when i am so determined to help you

and you just throw it away like this..

i changed so much for a friend which led my relationship life to a wreck..

you still feel unappreciated..hmmph.. you really do not know how to suck it up right.

I have given you more than what a friendship can give but you still want more and take it for granted..

When will you learn?

When WILL you change?

WILL you EVER change?

I am just so tired of all this life that you have barred me from happiness.. tell me..

what have you done in your life that is right?

LEARN.. Please..Get a life..

Happy Easter!!

So.. Knowing that easter is around the corner..we (Hvoon, Chai Ying, Michelle (via SKYPE) Susan Lim and I decided to paint eggs and give them to the children...

Here is how the story goes...

Hvoon being happy with the purple egg that she had made for Michelle (YES! Purple is her FAVOURITE Colour)

(Above : The first coat of paint..)

Well we visited the nearby "mamak" stall while waiting for the eggs to dry...

When it finally dried...

(L to R : Me...Hvoon...Chai Ying)

We started our job painting... And well we were really working hard... THINKING mostly..

(Above : Chai Ying)

This is what happens when you let a young tired child who is out of ideas unattended lol..

SEE the BLURNESS..

Ta-da.... our final product.... teeheee... Loving the art... especially the fun we had...BUT

Doing it AGAIN next year might still be in consideration... lol

-FreeStyler-

Fight for?

What do we fight for?

Goals?Satisfaction? or.. getting hurt?

....

(go figure)

You say you've changed but how much?

cheating others? Lying about it?

....

We all want to trust people...

Who? How?

Are they really trustworthy?

....

Frequent problem faced